The kiddos

I didn't do Christmas cards this year (except for a small number of family members).  No cute family photo or update about the family either.

Honestly, I barely made it through Christmas.  My sweet girls and Chandler made Christmas happen at our house.  (Luckily I do all of my shopping months before.)  And I can't forget Trent who cleaned the house and babysat for my holiday parties.

They love me and they gave me Christmas as my gift.

My Aunt Janice gave me the most wonderful grey pajamas (with fun ruffled edging on the top).  It was the perfect gift.  A new set of Christmas pjs is one of those traditions that make childhood feel safe and warm.  My gift gave me the feeling of being nurtured and cared for and I really needed that this year.

I can sum up my stress: mental illness--the teenage years--a nightmare.  Also: learning what true Christlike love is as opposed to unhealthy caretaking.

I am very tired of the illness and the struggle.  But I love my sons and continue to try to provide them with the very best life they can have.


I honestly don't think someone can understand mental illness until they live with it day in and day out.  My husband grew up with family members who had it and we still did not understand it.  We had a lot of ideas about how things should be.  We have to deal with so many difficult situations made worse by people who just don't understand.


We are trying to hold onto as much calm as we can.  We are trying so very hard not to let mental illness dominate our family.

I do believe that it is important to make things as smooth as possible for the other children.  I want them to feel like their needs are important also.  It is a delicate balancing act.  Sibling rivalry is that much more difficult because the rules are different and can seem very unfair.

Our strength as a family comes from God.  As we keep the focus on love we are happy.  It really can be that simple.

I also know that honestly dealing with my emotions is going to be the key to losing weight and having control over our debt.  I have to do this work to find success.  And it is work!  My friend Genise's mother was telling me she was so proud of Genise's efforts with her cute family.  Genise gave me the best response.  She said "What choice do I have?"  I laughed.  We either keep doing the work when it is very difficult or we give up and lose everything we have worked for up to that point.  That makes the choice simpler at least :)

But there are many great things happening also!  I try to appreciate all the good and really praise each child when they do a good job.

So here's my update.  I had a sweet friend tell me that she really missed my updates.  I told her I blogged so I quit sending them out.  All the really good stuff is here anyway ;)

Clayton is almost 18 and focused on graduating high school.  He loves his friends and playing sports with friends.  He is looking forward to serving an LDS mission when he is 19.

Chandler is 16 and such a big help to me.  He gives up a lot of time to help keep the family running smoothly.  I've said it before and I'll say it again...he will make some woman very lucky someday.  He is a giver.  He is super smart and kinda takes offense when I call him a geek.  Then I remind him that I married a geek and am very happy with my choice.  Besides I read that geek is the new chic ;)

Cole is 13 and always busy.  He never sits around and complains of being bored.  Sometimes I wish he would.  But when we have to deal with crazy happenings, I look into his eyes and know that my son is good and it is often not his fault.  We have to balance teaching him with knowing when to make allowances.  I rely on my mother's instinct when everyone has an idea of what he needs.  I am his mother for a reason.  He has improved in lots of areas and we have to focus on that when things are difficult.  But we never want to give him the idea that he is not capable.  We want him to push himself to see how far he can progress.  A very delicate balancing act indeed.

Sabrina is 11 and as darling as ever.  She has been growing so much in her abilities.  She has improved in organization and takes responsibility for her grades.  She had an ipod touch.  I would find her up late at night playing on it.  She also had it taken away at school and cried as she confessed that she had taken it even though she knew it was against the rules.  She told me that she felt she shouldn't have one because she had a hard time following the rules with it.  I later told her that I had traded it to her cousin to help her half brother (who babysits the other siblings) to be able to text his mother when she is at work.  I loved her response.  She said "I trust you mom."

Savannah is also 11 and such a help to me.  She is so much like her father.  They are left brained and so gifted in organization.  The things that bug her also bug him ;) They have to be patient with the chaos that sometimes happens when so many members of the family have special needs.  But they also come up with the best systems to bring things back into order.  When my clutter gets too bad, I try to bribe one of them to help me!

Preston is 10 going on 16.  He likes to follow Cole around and learns all his best "tips" from his big brother.  That keeps us busy!  He is also quite the ladies man and always has a girlfriend.  He gave my cell phone number out.  I have had a few calls from little girls asking for Preston.  I heard him singing 'I kissed a girl and I liked it' today.  Seriously.  I asked him about it and reminded him that I think he is too young to have a girlfriend.  Then I reminded him that he should not be kissing girls.  He told me it was okay because he only kissed her on the cheek.  (These are the things that make me wish I was homeschooling material!)

Tristan is 6 and sooo sweet.  He is calm and obedient.  He loves big hugs and playing with his baby brother.  He is just fun to raise.  He loves kindergarten and his teacher.  She is like a wonderful grandma.  She truly loves children and it shows.  He also was able to lead the Halloween parade for his class all through the school.  He was Scooby Doo.

Gabriel is 2 and 1/2.  He is growing up so fast.  He is getting more playful by the day and is very talkative.  He loves little figurine toys and all girls are mamas and all boys are dadas.  He is very bonded to us and cries loudly when he gets dropped off for nursery at church.  We gave him an entire year of sitting with him or taking him out and have decided to be tough.  Last Sunday he finally calmed down as long as the nursery teacher held him.  Savannah used to be just like that and had to have "her" teacher there or she was not going!

We are busy, but trying to enjoy these years.  However, I will not be one of those mothers who is sad because her children grew up.  Too much to look forward to: grandkids, time for hobbies, and time with my husband that is not consumed with busyness.  Trent remarks that we will probably die before we get to enjoy life without raising children.  That's when I remind him why our low carb diet is such a great idea.